• Together 24/7
• Asymptomatic
• Clinical Trials
• Wanted to be treated as a person instead of a disease
• Did not want to be just another number
• Palliative care
• Hallucinations
It is never easy to talk about a loved one that has passed away, I speak from experience, and therefore, I applaud Beth Bernett for her courage and valiancy. Beth shared with the class the stories of how her husband, Erik Wood, met at a blind date and fell in love at first sight. After decades of living happily together and having two kids, Erik was diagnosed with kidney cancer. Erik was asymptomatic for a substantial period of time before he was diagnosed so he never directly expressed any discomfort which did not give his family members to be truly prepared for what was coming. Erik was placed under clinical trials and he was responding fairly well until things started to look bad. Beth mentioned how they never talked about death or dying. This struck me as really interesting since people normally want to settle their affairs, write/dictate their wills, discuss burial rituals, etc. “I didn’t even know if he wanted to be buried. He wasn’t for the record.”
Beth talked about how she tried to make her husband’s room in the hospital as homely as possible by making art with her children. She did not want people to look at Erik as a disease and pity him, she wanted visitors to look at him as the same person they knew and loved before he was diagnosed. Beth mentioned treating everyone from the doctors to the x-ray technician compassionately and respectfully. I thought that was an incredibly important life lesson. Don’t just treat people as someone who can do something for you. Treat them as someone who has a life, family, feelings and emotions. She also mentioned how when her younger son, Evan, was sick last week, the people at the hospital were more helpful and friendly to them then they would have been if they weren’t known in the hospital as a kind and caring family.
At the point at which Erik could only have been subsidized by palliative care, Beth took it upon herself and Evan to take care of him on his last days instead of having a stranger come in and look after their husband and father. Her older son, Josh, was very close to Erik and Josh was depicted as a “gentle soul” and therefore he was forced to stay at his dormitories instead of taking care of his father. Beth believed that it was best for him because the grief would be too much and Josh might have ended up in a hospital himself. I completely agree with Beth’s decision. The fact that she was able look after her dying husband still take care of her boys seemed astonishing and remarkable to me.
Listening to Beth talk about how she helped her husband do tasks like going to the bathroom every day, made me feel a sudden appreciation for how valuable my health really is. When I think of illness, it is always something such as a cold or a broken arm but I never think of anything fatal. Erik’s fight with cancer truly motivated me to do something with my life instead of just wasting time in front of the almighty computer monitor. Some people say illness is a gift. I both agree and disagree with that statement. Learning about Erik’s life was sort of a gift to me, especially since the story was somewhat connected to me since I’d like to consider myself as one of Evan’s closest friends. On the other hand, the millions of people (and their families) that died of cancer probably disagree. Yes, they did learn to cherish their lives, but at what price? I think Beth Bernett did a noble job by sharing her story with us. I think it is a much better way of remembering someone instead of the traditional way; lamenting and mourning over the deceased’s old possessions.
